When it comes to vow writing, many couples have a handle on what they should include but they aren’t fully aware of what to exclude. 

As a vow writing expert, I’ve helped engaged couples turn their emotions into vows that capture their heart and their personality. And no matter who I’m working with, we manage to capture their unique voice without any cringe-worthy lines. 

Let’s do the same for you right now.

Here’s my list of the top nine don’ts when it comes to writing your vows.

#1: Do Not Include Gross Words…No Matter the Context

This may sound obvious but I’ve heard vows that included such words as cockroach, poop, and fart. (Thankfully not all three of these words were found in one set of vows).

You two may embrace potty-humor at home but save those jokes for your wedding day letter and not your vows.

Even if you’re promising to always point out when they have boogers in their nose, leave it out of your vows. Gross words, no matter how funny they can be, take us and the romance out of the moment.

The vows should include more timeliness material and shouldn’t make your guests cringe. 

#2: Do Not Mention Exes

Maybe you two met through an ex or perhaps you learned a lot about how to grow into a better partner because of your past relationship. Still, avoid this sort of backstory in your vows. 

While the intention might make sense, you won’t want past loves mentioned in the words that are meant to frame and ground your marriage. 

#3: Do Not Joke Too Much 

When we’re nervous, we often rely on humor to cope or make us more comfortable. While it’s fine to include some playful humor within your vows, keep it to a minimum. 

When it comes to writing funny wedding vows, I recommend the 80/20 rule. 80% of your vows should be sweet, serious, and sentimental while 20% can be more humorous. 

Here are a few examples of humorous promises you may wish to include:

• I promise to root for Michigan State with you but only when Michigan isn’t playing. 

• I promise to fight fair, even though I always believe I’m right. 

• I promise to watch The Bachelor with you every week and to do so without rolling my eyes. 

#4: Do Not Highlight Your Partner’s Weaknesses or Vulnerabilities 

You two may engage in friendly banter where you make fun of each other but this is hard to successfully do in vows. 

Writing one playful promise about how you’ll never root for your partner’s favorite sports team because they’re your rival team is cute. However, pointing out how your partner is a terrible cook or driver may evoke more awkwardness than smiles.

Know what your partner can laugh at and what they’re more sensitive to and use this information to drive your decisions around questionable content. 

#5: Do Not Talk About Sex

Despite what the Salt-N-Pepa have to say, do not talk about sex within your vows.

These sorts of intimate details are better reserved for a wedding day letter or card that your partner will read in private. Great Aunt Silvia doesn’t want to hear about your steamy sex promises to each other.

However, there are ways to include intimacy in your vows.

Examples: 

• I promise to kiss you goodnight every night before bed.

• I promise to rely on our intimacy as a way to stay close and connected.

• I promise to remember that “touch” is your love language. 

#6: Do Not Mention Your Divorce

While past relationships can deliver silver linings like your new and happy marriage, you do not need to explicitly mention your divorce or previous marriage within your vows. 

Instead, you can capture the meaning behind what that past marriage means in the context of your new marriage.

Here are a few examples:

• I’ve never experienced a relationship like ours, a love like this, and a partner like you. 

• The days leading to this moment have been challenging at times but every tear that has fallen and hardship I endured was worth it because it led me to you. 

• I had doubts that I’d ever experience a love like ours but then I met you and the idea of a partnership based on trust, faithfulness, and true love became real for me. 

#7: Do Not Include Random Quotes

Use quotes sparingly in your vows, if at all, and only use quotes that have significant meaning to your relationship.

For example, if you two do not watch Grey’s Anatomy together, do not include a Meredith Grey quote just because you like the meaning of it. 

Instead, find a way to express this meaning in your own words. After all, you are writing custom vows. That means your partner gets to hear from you rather than a fictional character. 

#8: Do Not Include Detailed Stories 

Cute and short anecdotes are fine within vows, especially when these details are used to describe a larger point like what you admire about your fiance or your relationship.

However, avoid long stories within your vows.

Detailing out all the stops you made during your 6-state road trip might be fun to read and reminisce about but it’s not suitable for your vows.

Instead, trim down this idea to a single sentence such as, “I’ve enjoyed every trip we’ve taken together already and I know that this next chapter will be our greatest adventure yet.” 

#9: Do Not Write in a Vacuum 

An outside perspective is a necessary way of double-checking that you haven’t included any questionable ideas. Ask your best man or maid of honor to read your vows before you finalize them. 

You can also work with a professional vow writer to write custom vows or to edit the vows you’ve already written. 

Get in touch to see how I can help you to write vows your future spouse will love.