Giving a wedding speech is a huge responsibility. You have to write captivating stories, balance humor with sentiment, and perfect your public speaking skills.

There’s a lot to consider and juggle when writing a wedding speech but something that can make this job even more challenging is when you have a family member who has passed away and you’re wondering how to include them within your speech.

Should you mention them within your wedding speech?

Where in the speech is it most appropriate to talk about them?

How do you respectfully honor this person within the speech while still keeping the overall tone upbeat?

It’s a lot to consider on top of an already overwhelming task.

As a professional wedding speech writer, I have written several wedding speeches that honor a loved one who has passed away and I’m here to guide you through all of these questions and more.

The short answer is, yes…you should mention loved ones who have passed away within your wedding speech. As for how you do this, well that’s a much more involved question to answer.

I hope this wedding speech writing guide will provide you with all the tips you need to respectfully and joyfully honor the deceased within your speech.

Tip #1: Determine Who You Want to Include

First, you need to figure out who should be specifically mentioned within your wedding speech. 

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to help determine which loved ones should be featured in your speech:

• What is the relationship between the deceased and the couple? If they are close by lineage or by emotional connection, you’ll likely want to mention them. 

• How long has it been since they passed away? The more recent their death, the more likely you’ll want to include them. 

Looking at these two questions, if the deceased is close to the couple and they passed away within the past year, you should absolutely mention this person with your speech.

If the couple wasn’t especially close to them, and it’s been several years since their passing, don’t feel obligated to highlight them within the speech.

Tip #2: Mention Loved Ones During The Beginning of Your Speech

The first section of your wedding speech covers many logistical items. Things like introducing who you are, thanking guests, and welcoming attendees. 

This is a nice area to also pay tribute to any family members who have passed away.

You can either do so in an inclusive tribute that covers anyone who has passed away or a more specific tribute by mentioning one or two important people. 

Example of Inclusive Tribute:

“For all of our family and friends who are no longer will us, I know each one is smiling down on the couple today with joy in their hearts knowing that these two have found each other and get to share their life together.” 

Example of Specific Tribute:

“Let’s all raise a glass to Grandpa Dan. While he can’t be here with us today, I know he’s raising a glass of his favorite whiskey in heaven and sending his blessing to his granddaughter who he deeply adored.”

Tip #3: Include a Story About Them

Stories are what make wedding speeches impactful and engaging. 

Can you think of an anecdote about your loved one to include?

This is a great thing to do especially if you are giving a parent speech and it’s the bride or groom’s other parent that you want to honor. 

For example, are you a mother of the bride and the bride’s father has passed away? Think of a story about the two of them that could bring joy to her on her wedding day.

Examples:

• A joke they shared

• A routine they had

• Shared interests 

Let’s say your daughter and her dad shared a routine of eating ice cream together every night. Here’s how you may incorporate that anecdote into your wedding speech.

Example:

“From when Cece was a little girl, she and her dad bonded over their love of mint chocolate chip ice cream. Despite my attempts to convince Jake that nightly ice cream wasn’t the wisest choice for a 6-year-old, he’d scoop out a dollop, place it in a small bowl, and his smile would light up as her eyes grew wide at the sight of Dessert Time with Dad. 

Cece, I know your dad isn’t here for you to continue this special tradition with but I know what he’d want you to think every time you recall that memory throughout your new marriage: may your life with Ethan be full of sweet moments, and may you two grow to discover your own delicious memories together.“

Tip #4: Know If It’s Your Place to Share

Before you include a loved one in your wedding speech who has passed away, determine if you are an appropriate person to do so. 

What is your relationship with the couple? What is your relationship with the deceased?

For example, if you’re a parent and the deceased is your spouse and their other parent, you are definitely in a role to speak about this person.

However, if you’re a friend of the couple who wasn’t especially close to the deceased, it may be best to not acknowledge this person within your speech as it could feel out of place coming from you.

Tip #5: Work with a Professional Wedding Speech Writer 

Are you worried about how you’ll include a loved one who has passed away in your wedding speech?

The key is to be respectful, meaningful, and authentic while still managing to keep the overall tone of the speech upbeat. 

That’s a hard line to walk and so you may want to consider professional speech writing help.

Tip #6: Run Your Tribute Past the Couple for Review

When in doubt, run any ideas or phrasing past the couple before the wedding day.

This way, you can hear directly from the bride or groom if your tribute will be well received or if it may simply be too emotional for them to hear on their wedding day. Then edit your speech according to their feedback.

Tip #7: Practice Reading Your Speech Out Loud

Talking about a loved one who has passed away is emotional. Now combine that feeling with the already daunting image of reciting a speech in front of a crowd.

You will likely be nervous, worried about getting too emotional, and wondering how you’ll get through the speech.

The key is to practice reading your speech out loud several times. I recommend reading it three to six times before the wedding day. The more you read your speech, the more comfortable you’ll feel.

And remember, this is a special tribute to honor someone you loved. Use that as motivation to inspire you to deliver the line with confidence.