Private Wedding Vows: Your Complete Guide

Have you heard of private wedding vows? While not as common as custom written vows or traditional vows, private vows are a growing trend. 

As a wedding vow writer, I’ve created this detailed guide so you can learn everything there is to know about private vows. Then you can decide: will you write private wedding vows? 

What are private wedding vows?

Private wedding vows are wedding vows that are custom written, but instead of saying them in front of your guests during the ceremony, you recite the vows in a more private setting.

Private vows are meant to be more personal and intimate since it’s likely just you and your partner who will be present to hear them. 

When would we recite our private wedding vows? 

If you choose to recite private vows, you will do so separately from your official wedding ceremony. 

Many couples will recite their private vows during their first look. This adds to the intimacy of the moment. Plus, you’ll have your photographer and videographer there to capture it. 

Another option is to recite your private vows right after your ceremony. It’s nice to schedule time for just the two of you after the ceremony.

You’ll be thankful to have time to take in the moment together before socializing and celebrating with all of your guests. Have your wedding planner bring you two your favorite drinks and some of the hors d’oeuvres. Enjoy this time together from the bridal or groom’s suite and use this moment to recite your private vows. 

How do you write private wedding vows?

Writing private vows is very similar to writing vows that you’d read at your ceremony. 

Here’s a basic private vow writing outline you can follow:

  1. Address your partner and state why you’re excited to marry them

  2. Detail out qualities that you admire about them

  3. Communicate the things you appreciate about your relationship

  4. Make three to six specific promises for your marriage

  5. Close with a loving wish for your life together 

There is one main difference between vows and private vows and that’s vulnerability. You might feel more comfortable with being emotionally open with your partner since you know they’ll be the only person who hears your vows. 

As you write your private vows, embrace your emotional side.

How long should my private wedding vows be?

I recommend keeping your vows between three to six minutes, whether you’re reciting your vows in public or in private. This way, you have time to include all the necessary details but still, have an impact. When vows are too long, they can lose that emotional impact. 

However, since the vows are private, you can take longer to read them. It’s just you two. You won’t need to consider how you’ll keep guests captivated or how you’ll stay on track with the ceremony timeline. 

couple reads private vows.jpg

When should I start writing my private vows?

I recommend writing your vows within two to three months before your wedding. When you start writing closer to the wedding date, you’ll feel aligned with your emotions and thoughts about your upcoming marriage. 

However, don’t wait too long. Writing your vows the week of your wedding can be stressful and isn’t very conducive to the creative process. 

Can anyone else be present for our private vows? 

The only people who are present for private vows are typically the couple and sometimes the photographer and videographer. 

If you wish to invite more people like your maid of honor and best man or your parents and siblings, go for it.

The vows won’t be quite as intimate but they’ll still be more private than if you chose to recite them in front of all your 100+ guests. 

Can you help me write my private vows? 

Yes! As a professional vow writer, I work with stressed-out and overwhelmed couples to write their custom vows and their private vows. 

I will meet with each of you individually through a video call where I’ll get to know the details of your love story and what’s most important to you in marriage. 

Then, I’ll ghostwrite your private vows. We’ll collaborate together through the editing phase and I’ll make revisions until you feel very happy with the finalized version of your vows.

My goal is to write vows that capture your personality and your love.

Get in touch now to learn how we can work together to put your heart into words. 

Can I recite both private vows and public vows?

Yes! And legally, you’ll need to recite vows in public to make your wedding ceremony and your marriage official.

However, the vows you say during your ceremony do not need to be custom written. You can opt to recite the traditional vows.  

What are the benefits of private wedding vows? 

There are several positive benefits to reciting private vows:

  • Private vows are ideal for more shy and introverted people.

  • They’re a nice way to compromise if one person wants to write custom vows but the other person does not. 

  • Private vows allow you to be more emotionally available and vulnerable. 

  • You won’t feel any need to censor yourself.

  • It’s likely going to be one of your favorite moments from your wedding day.

Testimonials

Love my vows Katelyn!!!! It’s such a relief to have this out of the way so I can focus on all the rest of the stuff I need to do! 

You were my very favorite part of the process!! Your experience and confidence in the process took all the stress out of writing my vows!

— Natalie, Florida

I thought the process was outstanding. You did a great job communicating, and I thought the turnaround time for editing was perfect. I also thought the video interview was great in that it was personal and meaningful!

— Jordan

I am a storyteller, not a speechwriter. I was incredibly intimidated about writing one.

So thankful to find Katelyn to get my thoughts all in order. Very proud of how the speech came out. Looking forward to giving it!

— Jennifer Whitley, Texas

I had such a wonderful experience working with Katelyn. She truly helped mold perfect vows that I can’t wait to tell my fiancé on our wedding day! 

Katelyn was friendly, sweet, and super easy to work with. I will definitely be calling her up if I have to give another speech in the near future.

— Jordanne, California

Katelyn was professional, easy to talk to, and made the interviewing process fun. She came well prepared with unexpected and thought-provoking questions to get a better understanding of our love story and who we are as a couple.

She was a pleasure to work with and made the vow writing process enjoyable.

— Kimi Kinsey, South Carolina

Working with Katelyn on my maid of honor toast was an incredible experience. She really took the time to understand my relationship with my best friend and used my responses to craft a toast that put my thoughts and feelings into words in a way that I never would have been able to do on my own.

Before working with Katelyn, I was nervous and stressed about giving (and writing) such a big, important speech. But now I’m so relieved that it’s done, and I honestly can’t wait to stand up and tell everyone exactly what my best friend means to me.

— Allyssa, New Jersey

I didn’t actually know this service existed until I discovered Katelyn! It was such a fun experience to video chat with her about my best friend who is getting married this summer.

I don’t have to stress about writing this a few weeks before my best friend’s wedding. Thank you so much and I can’t wait to read it at my best friend’s wedding!

— Gabby